Figuring Out Life While Aging
The burn of the morning sun,
the memory of smoke
soften my shoulders
as I walk past,
not thinking of death
yet,
till
one almost resembling
the one I knew
(years ago, in my youth),
walks by, and
my memory blurs
as though I see through tears.
Remnants of other lives
invade, infest, infuse my life,
enlighten me, cling to me.
drag me down, lift me up,
surround me.
I persist
pushing the furniture
of my past,
clearing space
so I can see.
We are temporary,
fragile and vulnerable,
compelled to walk forward
in this dark culvert,
death ahead and daylight behind,
with only a small light, and
everything that we are.
***
*Composed after watching “Cardinal”, a series based on Giles Blunt’s Novels
I find myself lost again struggling for breath in a closed up car, riding on a road not yet built invisible between two cities The undrawn map - (and breath) take shape in the dark, outlined by the headlights. The search party won't come until I am found
from Mapping The Wilderness
The dreams I don’t remember
disturb me:
my mother’s mink coat,
thrown on the floor,
over something.
That lover in the closet,
offering disinterested kindnesses.
The flowered skirt
I never wore.
All memories of failures
or escapes.
| What do I know to be true? Hmmm… Love exists and is more than chemistry and convenience, although those can help start or reinforce it. You never know what will happen next in your life, no matter how much you try to control it. Other people are endlessly mysterious, no matter how well you think you know them. Cruelty, both unconsciously and consciously intended, is real and dangerous to both the causer and the victim. Everyone suffers sometime, and some people frequently. You never fully understand someone else’s experience of the world. What do I believe? Hmmm… How you feel about yourself correlates with how you feel about others. You can never know for sure what is true in life, but you can chose to experience life through the lens of what you believe to be true. You can never know for sure what “God” actually means, but you can chose to live “as if” “God” is “real”, because your life will be better lived that way. |
Perfume in a Pandemic
is pointless.
I watch, listen to your
simulacrums, your untouchable
screen ghosts.
I yearn
For smell and taste..
Perfume in a pandemic
is comforting, I shake
the tiny bottle, my finger as stopper.
I stroke my pulse points,
bathe in, breath in, grasp
the memory:
the clutching joy of
your embracing warmth
as we hugged.
Perfume in a pandemic is essential.
“Sea change or sea-change is an English idiomatic expression which denotes a substantial change in perspective, especially one which affects a group or society at large, on a particular issue.” Wikipedia
My heart stumbles
as our world’s clutch
misses,
and the gears judder
and jerk
stripped of their connections.
We don’t know
when or what
it foretells.
How do I decide
how to live
in this strange wilderness?
I lived in libraries and classrooms,
More solitary among the living,
More alive in pages turning,
Building my armour and bridges.
The silence at home covered
Flattened noise; obscured dreams and
muffled resentments, darkened mirrors
Seeking to display projected images.
Learning Living 