I’m relatively sane
in my own crazy way.
I’m hiding in my house
while I want to run and play.
I’m waiting for my tears
that are blocked behind my eyes,
I’m waiting for an answer
and hope I’m growing wise.
Rhythm & Blue
Category: photo,
Untitled
Cross-posted – https://joanvinallcox.substack.com/p/untitled
I am an amalgam of
everyone I’ve loved.
They cluster in my heart;
different moments different ones
slip behind my eyes
and let me be
their gifts.
I am a part of
all I have known -
the space and time I am
dancing through - - I sing
my blind sightings out
into others’ hands and hopes - -
my gift.
Romances & Mysteries
When feeling is perilous
I retreat into the safety
of eyeing words that dance
me into a happy ending.
When the numbness
is in danger of cracking
I turn to other worlds
where anxiety is guaranteed an ending.
When confusion and fear
overwhelm my closed eyes
and I’m enveloped in my own uncertain story,
I reach into hope and try to open my heart.
Caregiver (2018)
“Take care of yourself” they said
But I didn’t know how
to be
that selfish.
“Like on a plane with a dependant” they said
“And the oxygen masks drop down,
put yours on first;
that’s being responsible.”
Alone by the summer lake
There’s a breeze.
Waking
In the dark of night
the pine boughs
thresh
and sway.
Bare maple branches rest
against the light scrimmed
sky.
In the grey of morning
the silent streets
stride
down
to the lake’s
rhythmic rumble
and the sun’s path.
We Humans
Also Posted at https://joanvinallcox.substack.com/p/we-humans
What matters most, after food and shelter,
is love: presence, listening, and being heard.
Family celebrations, holidays and anniversaries,
offer joy and, sometimes, the most exquisite
pain
with loss: death, estrangement, abandonment.
We humans flee pain and seek joy, hungry
even for artificial joy, artificial solace that
we eat, drink, and smoke.
The paradise of family and friends gathering
warms us, gives us joy, teaches us
our need for the richness of loving.
In the darkness of absence, in our aloneness,
we humans twist and turn
reluctantly facing the opportunity of recognizing
what we had, what we need, what we can seek:
the delight of trusted ones and hugging,
the warmth of knowing ourselves as human.
I Walk My Sorrow
also Posted at https://joanvinallcox.substack.com/p/i-walk-my-sorrow
I walk my sorrow
on familiar streets
I am leaving.
My body morphs;
soul changes stretch me,
shaking me out of my shell.
Strange energies arise;
suddenly I find myself
reaching forward.
Time spirals as I approach
leaving,
both releasing and opening.
Stumbling Into Sanity
In the 3rd year of my grief
I woke up
to my readjusted self
and conscious mourning.
I had new thoughts
discovering,
recognizing,
other possibilities.
Energies rose
and swirled within me.
I reached out
with questions.
Tangles
Like clothes tangled together
from the dryer
I twist and try to pull apart
confusing feelings.
Easier than clothes tangled
from the washer -
wrapped, locked, together
refusing.
The creature they clothe -
more worn,
more torn,
more tangled.
Trips
Leaf clad branches wave,
black against the grey light
of an approaching
morning.
I am wound with words,
enchained and given wings, both.
Words wound, but no words, (silence),
wound more.
Grey monstrous ghosts lurk
beyond the edges of the map,
while winds blow me
away from my home.
My GPS, set to “No tolls, No highways”,
is failing,
circling me through
detours and closed roads.
I drive through fog,
alert only to the back-up beeping
of warnings
and blockages.
This old sideroad,
formerly a highway,
might be allowing me to approach
a new morning.
Learning Living 