Figuring Out Life While Aging
Christmas is a time of
difficulties and disappointments,
Santa failures
And other losses.
The dogs of hope
snap at the turkey bits
they’ve been whining for
and drop them, snarling.
Joys are seen
backwards in mirrors:
coloured lights on others’ houses
as I drive away.
And yet …
and yet in the darkness
some small light, hidden,
that I can hold
And nurture.
What does it mean
to love yourself –
other than the herky-jerky
I’m okay; I am okay; I am okay?
What does it mean
to be compassionate with yourself
other than accepting the lust for
more chocolate, more wine, and even the occasional secret
cigarette?
What does it mean; what does it mean?
Who am I
and why do I want
to know this?
What does it mean?
I have a horror
hangover:
a surfeit of tv dribbles
repeating;
the images and words
addictive
and numbing.
To look away, to change the channel,
I switch to a story of plotted
murder where the killer
is named and blamed
and hunted and destroyed.
When I can’t resist looking back,
the bodies still
lie on the street.
My Hallowe’en Costume
I am the stranger-lady answering the door
with a blur of chocolate
at the corner of my smile.
My purple bowl holds
the tokens you call out for.
I am the stranger-lady answering the door
and I demand your identities:
Spiderman, Supergirl, a nerd, a cop,
a princess, an angel, Harry Potter, and
Snape, a hockey player, a football player,
and names I don’t quite hear
or recognize as you quickly mumble,
hands reaching.
I am the stranger-lady answering the door
Passing on the instructions of murmurations of old ladies:
“What do you say to get the candy?
What do you say when you get the candy?
She was first; don’t push.”
My mother’s voice alive in me,
softened by my gramma’s smile.
Michael Geist, Canada’s foremost expert in copyright law in Canada, has posted on the new Canadian internet copyright rules for ISPs (Internet Service Providers) which will come into force in 2015. From his analysis. it appears that the sensible Canadian practice of “notice and notice” will become the law. “Under the notice-and-notice system, copyright owners are entitled to send infringement notices to Internet providers, who are legally required to forward the notifications to their subscribers.”
Here’s some advice on how to avoid breaking Canadian copyright laws:
I’m hearing this a lot lately –
To sample a poem from my recently published collection – available from http://www.blurb.com/b/4591664-mapping-the-wilderness – listen to me reading –
Approaching Sixty, I See That … https://soundcloud.com/joanvinallcox/at-midlife-i-see-that – Hope you find it meaningful, and perhaps buy a copy of my collection.
Courage at eighty is different from at twenty
But both ages carry their future constantly –
A fearsome thrust into an unmapped wilderness.
To carry your future at twenty is to seek
The wilderness because it must be mapped
And shaped. There are roads to clear and homes
To build, and no one has given you a plan
For your wilderness, (just the one they didn’t use in theirs).
So you thrust forward, knowing too little and enough,
Building blindly wherever you find a clearing, lifting
The log of your childhood so it bridges your fears,
Confident that it might not collapse on you.
A fearsome thrust carrying life forward blindly
At eighty requires enough love to endure
Despite loss, and endure because of loss to come,
And endure because of the sweetness still here, if
Courage persists. And, despite (because?) the compass pointing
Through the wilderness to the edge of the map,
Tells a tale seen over and over about endings, despite this,
To work through today knowing
too much, and not enough, about tomorrow.
Courage at eighty is different from at twenty
But both ages carry their future constantly –
A fearsome thrust into an unmapped wilderness.
A poem I wrote about the experience of getting older –
Getting Older Stings
Like a spray of hot pebbles – little stings that you feel but shrug off.
Slowly blisters form: skin over tears.
Nodding off during the news,
Getting no questions when I ask for a senior’s discount,
Noticing I think anyone under 50 is young,
Going to retirement parties,
Little stings.
Learning I’m two inches shorter,
Noticing I can’t run up stairs anymore,
Wobbling if I walk too far,
Hearing that child call me an old lady,
Blisters.
Socializing at funerals,
Listening for ages in death announcements
Fretting because I haven’t updated my will,
Wondering who that I love will ‘pass’
before I die.
Joan Vinall-Cox 2012
Learning Living 