Figuring Out Life While Aging
Cross-posted at https://joanvinallcox.substack.com/p/ragged-grace
The time of ragged
grace - for some -
is ending
and like a tired two year old
I sob “No, no,NO!”
to the bullies
drunk on power.
I have been, and am
complicit,
seeking my small
power
to wrap myself
in imagined
safety.
This is a koan
I will not dance to,
but stumble through,
seeking …
joining others
I have pitied.
I don’t want to write this poem.
Cross- posted at https://joanvinallcox.substack.com/p/liminal-time?r=oj9j7
Liminal Time
Sunshine blurs ghosts,
makes them translucent.
In the dark, they solidify.
Hiding in closets and corners,
they thicken with memories
wisping out from lost letters.
I am waiting
for their approval,
their retreat, their acceptance.
I’m relatively sane
in my own crazy way.
I’m hiding in my house
while I want to run and play.
I’m waiting for my tears
that are blocked behind my eyes,
I’m waiting for an answer
and hope I’m growing wise.
Cross-posted – https://joanvinallcox.substack.com/p/untitled
I am an amalgam of
everyone I’ve loved.
They cluster in my heart;
different moments different ones
slip behind my eyes
and let me be
their gifts.
I am a part of
all I have known -
the space and time I am
dancing through - - I sing
my blind sightings out
into others’ hands and hopes - -
my gift.
When feeling is perilous
I retreat into the safety
of eyeing words that dance
me into a happy ending.
When the numbness
is in danger of cracking
I turn to other worlds
where anxiety is guaranteed an ending.
When confusion and fear
overwhelm my closed eyes
and I’m enveloped in my own uncertain story,
I reach into hope and try to open my heart.
In the dark of night
the pine boughs
thresh
and sway.
Bare maple branches rest
against the light scrimmed
sky.
In the grey of morning
the silent streets
stride
down
to the lake’s
rhythmic rumble
and the sun’s path.
Learning Living 