On Turning 80

I wrote this piece the last day of my seventh decade, and on my following birthday. 

Tomorrow I will be 80. This is the first time I find myself approaching a birthday, even a decade birthday, with a kind of trepidation: the odds are that I won’t reach my next decade birthday. I might, but I quite possibly won’t. It’s hard to take in, but I want to live with the awareness that I am mortal, that I will die.. I want to feel my time left. I want to contribute, I don’t know exactly what, what I can, even in a limited way. I want to receive and create; joy comes from that, and I’m greedy for love and joy in the time I have left. 

I certainly didn’t think of 70 as the beginning of a final decade for my husband or for me, but it was for him. I’m so glad we had a party for his 70ᵗʰ, as he wanted. When he offered me one for my 70th, I refused it. I find, now, for this birthday, I’m happy for recognition on the excuse of having a “significant” birthday. I’m glad to be seen now. I’m grateful to have a daughter, friends, and many happy (or learning) memories as I go forward. 

On this the final day of my Seventh Decade, It’s cloudy and cold. The geese are honking and only the evergreens show colour amongst the bare trees. Looking back I see I was born at an advantageous time in a peaceful land with much to enjoy and be grateful for. Even the wounds i endured were opportunities to learn. Now, blanketed by my choices, I ease towards the time I’ll no longer be.

I see the streams of car lights and the Christmas lights on the houses and in the park. I am finding my birthday eve not very happy despite emails from friends. My arm and shoulder ache. I’m missing my husband and sad.


When I turned 80, on my actual birthday, I  ended up enjoying myself. The weather was bright, and I felt more positive. While I was getting my breakfast, my daughter danced out of her bedroom playing the Beatles and singing along to “Today it’s your birthday!” She gave me 2 cards, one a joke and the other sweet, plus a gift. I also got lots of greetings, some because she posted my birthday and age on Facebook. And a new friend gave me some champagne.

Once again, I learned that feelings shift, that life is constant change. I am 80, and still learning how to live.

Mothering God

Mary holding the crucified Jesus
After reading Sarah Bessey’s Out-of-Sorts


Imagine God offering Her breast, and feeling such relief, such joy, and such pleasure when I latch on;

Imagine the gaze of a smiling God, companionably putting Her arm around my shoulder and listening seriously to me;

Imagine God, whispering a question that unblocks my understanding and my heart;

Imagine.

Imagine God waiting for Her child’s tantrum to lessen, the pounding fists, the bites, the screaming;

Imagine God with yellowing dark bruises and browning bite-marks, patiently, hopefully rocking Her child;

Imagine God gently singing a lullaby to Her exhausting, exhausted child;

Imagine. 

Imagine God in a coffeeshop hoping for Her cell to ring;

Imagine God wanting to listen and support me as my life bumps and flows along;

Imagine God watching the sparrows outside and then smiling as Her phone rings;

Imagine.

40 Years Teaching College Composition

 

a teacher
As a young teacher

I’ve been fully retired for a year and a half now, and I deleted all my teaching files a couple of months ago, so I can’t pass along any specific course materials. For Labour day, though, I’m going to share the distillation of my 40 years of teaching college composition and other language skills to college and university students, and my studies on how people learn to write from two advanced degrees in mid and late career.
1. Many community college students come in already resistant to taking English, and convinced they can’t write. It was my experience that many students were dyslexic and/or discouraged. Many believe that if they can’t write grammatically perfect, with no spelling errors, first drafts, that means they can’t write. They’re wrong, of course, but it takes a while to convince them. And sadly many college English courses insist on using the same decontextualized drill and kill exercises that had no benefit for them in their high school English courses.
Here’s what works in my experience.
  • Whenever possible, get students writing about something they know about and care about. Many of my students were visual, so I’d get them describing what they could see. Sometimes it helps to get them to describe how to do something they are good at, and encourage their use of detail.
  • Remind them over and over, directly and indirectly, that their first efforts will be messy and encourage them to NOT WORRY about messy-looking, roughly planed first drafts.
  • I learned how to make it a ritual to start classes with what I called a “free write” – students had to turn off their screens or reduce the page to an unreadable size, and then I’d set a timer for five minutes. The rule was that they had to write about whatever they wanted to and they couldn’t stop and think, they couldn’t stop moving their fingers; they had to constantly be writing. If they had nothing to say, they had to write something like, “I have nothing to say” over and over till they had something to say. After the 5 minutes were up, I never looked at what they written, but they could use any ideas or stuff they’d written for class assignments, or not. Some thought it was a waste of time but if you have them do it, and model for them by doing it yourself too, with them, at the very least their keyboarding facility increases, and often their ability to string words together gets stronger too.
  • Sometimes I’d have students work in pairs or small groups and read their drafts aloud to each other. This helps them feel the flow of what they’ve written and gives them ideas from hearing each other’s work.
  • I had 3 rules for feedback –
    1. Everybody has to give solid feedback to everybody. No “correcting” or suggesting allowed.
    2. Ask questions where you the reader / listener need more information to understand or are just curious and want to know more. (This helps students learn more about audience reactions.)
    3. Tell writers SPECIFICALLY what you like. Never, never. Never just say “That’s nice.” And let it go at that.
  • Put them to work. There are a lot of sites that give writing and grammar advice, like, for example, Grammar Girl – http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/grammar-girl – get students to find as many as they can and maybe have them compare them in small groups, or do brief presentations on why they think they’re helpful, or not. This sets them up, possibly, to know how to support their writing when they’re working independently in other courses or on the job.
Some technical suggestions:
  • If you’re in a computer lab, I’d suggest you get them on Google Docs – they can access their Google Account on their own or other computers or tablets and work outside of class. Google Docs is similar enough to Word that it’s no trouble to learn and it’s free.
  • If you create a PowerPoint and you want them to have a copy, move it to, or create it in, Google Slides because you can then give them a link and they can access it themselves.

Much respect and gratitude to those teaching as this new school year starts!

Good luck and happy teaching,

Getting Older

A poem I wrote about the experience of getting older –

Getting Older Stings

Like a spray of hot pebbles – little stings that you feel but shrug off.
Slowly blisters form: skin over tears.

Nodding off during the news,
Getting no questions when I ask for a senior’s discount,
Noticing I think anyone under 50 is young,
Going to retirement parties,
           Little stings.

Learning I’m two inches shorter,
Noticing I can’t run up stairs anymore,
Wobbling if I walk too far,
Hearing that child call me an old lady,
            Blisters.

Socializing at funerals,
Listening for ages in death announcements
Fretting because I haven’t updated my will,
Wondering who that I love will ‘pass’
            before I die.

Joan Vinall-Cox 2012